October 29, 2009

How could all good things come to an end ?

“Nooo, Nooo, get away from me. I don’t want to see your face no more. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I am sick of your family. I am sick of your mother who is just never minding her own business. I am sick of you coming late, and of hearing rumors about you and the local slut”, she screamed and closed the white, wooden door in front of his face.
“My life is such a mess”, though she and big, crocodile tears started dropping on her cheeks. In this moment of desperation she felt so stuck, stuck in the miserable reality. She lived in a house, which she hated; with a family, with whom she was unable to talk; with a husband, who cheated on her. As she sat on her enormous, empty bed, she looked around. She lived in this lifeless room with her husband, Stefan. However, the room looked empty, and this made her even more upset. Their only common property did not resemble them at all. Everything was so well hidden. All her dirty clothes were in a little beg, which was placed carefully in her part of the wardrobe; as all the dirty and unpleasant family secrets were hidden carefully from all of their friends. At that moment of complete desperation Nina thought of Eleanor, which caused a smile on her beautiful face. Yes, Eleanor, her lovely little daughter, who was only three years old. She was now downstairs with her grandmother, Ralitsa, and was probably still upset from the recent fight. “Our little daughter”, reminded herself Nina, and the tears started dropping again.
“She should not suffer of my stupidity, she should have more opportunities, a different life”, mumbled she in the dark room. Then she started recalling all those small details from the past, which shaped her future.
She thought that she was from the lucky ones as a child. She was from Kurdjali, a small, beautiful town in Southern Bulgaria. Her parents were divorced but she didn’t mind, she was never that close to them anyway. Nina lived with her grandparents, another bonus. They just adored her and gave her everything she wanted. She lived in their old but charming house. It was neither too big nor too small. There were enough rooms for all of them: her grandmother, her grandfather, and her. She had the liveliest room in the house. It was all decorated with little pink hearts and a lot of mirrors. Her grandparents were not rich, but they were able to sustain a living standard in the small town. They even bough her piano, one marvelous black, old music instrument. As her grandmother was teaching her how to play, Nina found her little escape from the everyday life in the Beethoven sonnets. She had a step sister, a step father, even a step grandmother. Again she didn’t mind, she even felt affection towards her step-sister, she thought that Ani was very cute. Ani was seven years younger than her and she was so different. She wanted to study, while Nina still believed in the fairytales. She just kept on waiting for her prince Charming to arrive. Sadly, she had to find out that he never will.
Nina was never able to finish anything in her life. She dropped out of college; she was continuously leaving her jobs, one after the other, because she felt unappreciated. She didn’t have any long lasting relationships.
Nevertheless, she was truly happy. She was beautiful, so she constantly had boyfriends. She did not study, so she had time to concentrate on herself. As for her grandparents, they loved her so sincerely, that they were unable to see how their little girl was slowly turning into an irresponsible grown- up.
One day Stefan came into her life, and changed it utterly. He was everything she ever dreamed of: young, beautiful, charming. He was about two meters tall, with blond hair and blue eyes. She met him at the most extraordinary place: in the bank. She hardly ever went there, and she found out later that this was also the case for him. Nina wanted to open a bank account, and Stefan wanted to close his. That was his last visit in that bank, but it shifted his well arranged life completely. He noticed Nina’s beauty, as he walked into the room. But it was not until later that night that he had the chance to talk with her. They did not exchange a single word in the bank, but both of them noticed each other. Stefan was visiting a friend, who lived in Kurdjali. That same night, Stefan’s friend told him that he would introduce him to his best friend in one of the local pubs. No, it was not Nina. However, she was meeting her girlfriends at the exact same time, in the exact same pub. The rest is history.
Stefan was twenty-four years old, and she was twenty- two. He had one sister at Nina’s age. He was also a basketball player, a promising one. He played for the National basketball team. He was devoted to his training but he was fascinated by her beauty and natural intelligence. Moreover, he lived in Sofia, in the capital. Nina figured out that this would be her golden ticket; her magic pass, which would help her escape the provincial town. She was dreaming of the life in the big city, so adventurous, so inspiring.
Stephan included her in his life and explained to her all the small, but important details of their future together. He did this on their third date, as if he was in a rush. Nevertheless, she loved that future. He was creating an imaginary reality for the two of them. He promised her that they would buy themselves a small, lovely house. Just like the one of her grandparents. Stefan pictured it with three bedrooms: one for them, one for their future child, and one for all the possible guests they would have. “Our bedroom will have red sheets, and a huge, heart-shaped bed. Our child’s bedroom, on the other hand, would be designed according to the gender of the child. He described her, their future cars. “I would drive a black Mercedes”, he used to say, “and you, my little princess, a red Ferrari”. And he was full with promises.
“All those promises are now into ashes”, sadly whispered Nina in the night. She swallowed her tears and corrected her make-up. “The hysteria won’t bring me anywhere”, was her last thought. That she put the knife away from her heart, and into the drawer, where all the secrets were hidden, right next to Eleanor’s pink dress.

October 28, 2009


I want to share with you one of my passions: Music. I spent half of my free time listening to music, or downloading music, or reading gossip about musicians.
I believe that i share this passion with many of my friends, and most probably with complete strangers. So if you are one of them my list of favorite music-connected sites, and blogs, would be interesting for you. :)
1. Well, everybody knows Data, but ...
2. The next one is a blog that I visit every day : Ali's blog .. its simply amazing
3. If you are interested also in bulgarian songs, and some very cool facts and discussions, you can look at : G'fan's Blog :)
it's pretty cool
4. Well, those are my favorite ones :))

P.S. however, I'll give you one last one .. its not music, but its worth checking it out :P

Hope you enjoy them :)

October 7, 2009

Paris : one trip to wonderland

What is Paris for me: a dream that came true, the smell of a tasty croissant, or a high-speed roller-coaster? Well, there is no right answer. I have been there two times: once with my parents and once with my best friend. Was this enough? No, not at all.

However, my most vivid memory from Paris was not the visit to exquisite museums and charming cathedrals, it was the extraordinary and unique atmosphere. Paris is a town where every street is romantic, where the emotions seem a little bit more real, and where the word: “impossible”, seems to have no meaning. Yes, this is Paris, the world capital of Love. Who does not dream of a wedding on the Eiffel Tower? Or does not desire a polite, intelligent, French husband?

Nevertheless, I felt that the magic was only in my imagination. The Eiffel Tower was not that charming; it had a very characteristic brownish color (it reminded me of ...). The distances were too long, so I was exhausted only the second day. Sometimes even the subway smelled awfully.

My dreams met the reality, but it was then that I understood. Yes, Paris’s idealistic vision was just an illusion. But who cares? The Eiffel tower was exquisite at night, it was sparkling. I was tired, yes, but who wouldn’t be, if he is wearing small shoes, and has so little time to explore such a city. I felt Paris in my heart, I walked on Champs Elysee. Yes I walked through all of it, and I don’t regret it, even though, at the end I was about to drop dead on the street.

What I really understood that day was that every feeling or emotion is just an imagination. There is no true love, or true romance. There are always ups and downs in our world of illusions. The important thing is to continue believing, that love exists. What better place to renew the power of my beliefs than Paris? In today’s world people loose their imagination and replace it with plane facts. Children no longer play with each other: they play with the computer. People are so unsatisfied, all the time. They envy each other; they always complain that their life is miserable. They just don’t understand that the word “miserable”, only acquires a meaning in our minds. We make our lives miserable with complains. Yes, I ruined few moments of my trip to Paris just with my stupid dissatisfaction. However, I realized that I must be crazy not to appreciate that Paris was a dream that came true for me, and all complains were just marks of small inconveniences.

I thought more about it and found out that there is something about Paris, which would satisfy everyone. The restaurants are for the gastronomes, the shops are for the shopaholics, the museums: for the culture- loving people. I started wandering what was there for me? Well, I loved it all, the city, the people, the shops, and most of all: Disney Land. It was a reminder that there are no adults: just children who had been lost. In Disney Land I saw grown ups with Minnie Mouse – ears, and it made sense. Probably in Paris it all made sense, even me with Minnie-mouse ears and an enormous Minnie- Mouse balloon, walking on the street with my best friend, who had the same accessories.

So that was Paris for me at the end… something that just made sense.